I don't recognize what's around me. It's the situation more so than the actual surroundings. I'm not in a foreign new place. I'm not even out of my comfort zone, or am I?
I mean I am at the same school I've been going to since the second half of my freshman year. I have incredible friends around me. My classes are leading me towards Jesus and making Him known. So my surroundings don't put me out of my comfort zone. There isn't anything to push me out of my comfort zone. As much as I thought my classes would be hard, I find myself able to perform at the level asked. However, there is something different. I am beginning the end of my school journey. I'm not graduating in the spring, I won't be done until next fall. But the reality is that it is approaching. It seems short, it seems long. Alot can happen in 1 year. I could go places, meet people, be challenged, have a change of heart or mind. Alot can happen in 1 year.
I was challenged by my new friend Sarah today. I am finding out that I very much enjoy who she is and her heart in life, but I am also finding that she has ways of making me think that blow me away. I love it. It's hard. She doesn't let me just chat and share my mind without really looking into my life and my words. I thank her for that. This challenge she gave me has to do with this next part of my life. I have different opportunities for the next semester and summer placed in front of me. As some doors have been closed other doors have been built and some are starting to open. Which ones do I look into and which one will I actually walk through? Well Sarah gave me something to think about...
Start with the end in mind.
When I meet back up with Sarah in July what will I want to tell her. What do I want to have under my belt? Accomplishments, trials, new knowledge....what is it that I want to walk away from the next 8 months with? So I got to thinking, and this is just the beginning. This is my first step to looking into that question. I need to crack open the surface and see what is inside. So he we get to cracking....
- I want to be challenged. I want to be put in situation that will be hard in order to take away my mindsets that are not truth. A throwing into the fire in a way.
- I have a heart for discipleship I have to come to find so I want to walk away saying that I was able to give my time to 3 or more girls. Digging into what it means to be a woman of Christ. Working through the struggles, frustrations, and joys.
- I want hands on practical experience within different areas of ministry. I don't want to be in charge. I want to learn, learn from those who are doing it, living it, and passionate about it.
my eyes have been opened to some things about myself.
I get scared.
I get bored.
I get overwhelmed.
I get confused.
But I also get passionate.
I have joy.
I have a heart that is always learning.
I love what I am learning in school but all I do is talk. I talk about stuff and how I would handle it. What would I say? How would I act? Blah blah blah. but what about the real world?! Am I going to graduate with all these classes under my belt but be thrown in the ocean without a life jacket? What if I can't swim. What if I am a theory person? What if I can teach it but not live it? What if I get opportunities because of what my professors say or what my degree says but I can't actually do it?
I can't just learn in the classroom. But I am not ready to go out there on my own. I want to learn, but it has to be more than books. So I want to walk away from the next 8 months with practice under my belt. I don't want to grow weary of school and grow bitter towards it, but I don't want to rush through it. This is a precious time of life.
I know this is alot of rambling but it is what my mind is trying to process during a time where the future is blinded from my eyes.
Please give me your wisdom. Your perspective. Your encouragement. Jesus, I wouldn't want it without You so guide me all the way. Take the blinders off to my own heart, that I may see inside and live with You.
To those of you reading:
Do you have any wisdom? Any comments that will encourage? Maybe your perspective will shine some light. I would love to have some feedback. I need the other parts of the body to push me and help me.