here i sit

here i sit.

that sums me up lately.

i have been sitting.

and while i sit, i dream.

but these dreams don't set me free.

these dreams frustrate me.

i dream of something bigger than what's in front of my face.

Jesus can open up my mind and give me dreams of beauty.

so how can it be that they bring me frustration?

it's not actually the dreams that do it.

it's me

i stand in between my reality and the dreams.

because i sit and dream.

i don't go and dream.

i sit.

i know why this is too.

i haven't been putting Jesus as priotiy.

i haven't been pursuing Him the way He desires, the way my heart desires.

i've been so thirsty for the Lord, but i haven't taken a drink.

when i came to my computer i turned on my music and this song came on,

the words are simple and few but it caught my attention with just the first line.

there is only 1 verse and a chorus.

i think the first verse speaks directly to me in this moment.

 wake up my soul, don't forget the day

wake up my heart, don't sleep all night

wake up my mind, remember His love

wake up my voice, and sing His song

it was as if Jesus was crying out for His own.

when I gave my life to Jesus...

my soul became His,

my heart became His,

my mind became His,

my voice became His,

but i have been letting them sleep.

the chorus of the song is something that i have experienced before and that i desire now

You sweep me away to bone-crushing waters

Bury me deep in the arms of the Father

You swallow me whole in the deepest of deeps

I'm alone with You, I'm alone with You

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it is so easy to get caught up in the norm of the world around you.

but the norm of the world is empty.

i don't want an empty life.

i want a life that is devoted to Jesus

overflowing with His love

bringing His joy with laughter and life

man do i need to step it up.

I am sorry Jesus.

I have been living life on my own so of course it cannot be good, or right, or fulfilling...

afterall, i am not the author of life. i can't write my own story.

i want to walk the path that You have laid for me and explore the never-ending adventure of a life walking with You.

Orphan's Song

I should be writing a paper. I have so much to do, but my heart got distracted. Not just my mind or my energies, my heart.

I have this CD which I love. It is full of authentic, true worship songs from the heart. As I was in my car driving to go study this song came on.

Orphan's Song:

We are the orphan boys, we are the forgotten girls

We are lost and far from home

We are the fatherless born of dust and nothingness

We are lost and far from home

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

I've heard about a foreign land, about a son and his great big dad

I'm making my plans to be there

They say it's a beautiful place full of big wide open spaces

I'm making my plans to be there

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

These roads have familiar names, this town has not changed

I'm finding my way back home

You call me daughter, You call me son, You call me back into Your arms

I'm finding my way back home

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

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Every time that I listen to this song my heart melts.

I have heard stories of oprhans, seen movies.

I have met orphans, held them.

I have played with orphans, tickled them.

I have laughed with orphans, until it hurt.

When I am away from these times and I hear this song, my heart melts.

I try to imagine being in their shoes.

I can't.

And I have heard people say that there is no point in going for only a short time and playing with orphans.

They are wrong. This song tells why.

If we carry the name of Christ to those orphans then it doesn't matter how long we are there.

If we can clothe them in that moment with only Christ then it's the best garment they will ever wear.

His love is sufficient.

His love gives them a home.

His loves adopts them.

His love feeds them.

His love allows them to laugh.

His love gives them breath.

His love is like no other in this world.

When the enemy tries to bring me down with thoughts...

you can't adopt them all,

you can't feed them all,

you can't save them all,

I have to remember, believe, trust, and live into the truth that

CHRIST CAN!