Life right now has me in a place of reflecting on the past and dreaming about the future.
relfecting brings joy, triumph, thankfulness, and even tears.
dreaming brings me excitment and encouragement.
being in the middle brings me an unknown feeling.
I have to think to myself "How did I get where I am now and where am I heading?"
How am I different now than I was then and what am I doing to line up with the dreams I have for the future?
I'm thinking, dreaming, having conversations, learning, remembering, hoping, praying, longing, being confused, battling discouragement from myself, all the while trying to live for today...
When I look back a few years I am amazed that I somehow ended up where I am now.
Then: I was an insecure child just trying to get by. I had no real dreams. I had an emptiness inside me that left me questioning at the end of the day. Through the grace, mercy, love, and breath that God has given me I am where I am today.
Now: I am a student at a Bible college intrigued with learning the Word, how to teach it, what ministry means, desiring for all to know this Life I have found in Jesus. I have dreams that are bigger than myself. I have been given the gift of wisdom in order to share it. I have grown up a bit, grown up in Christ. Recieving His desires, His dreams, and His burden for people. I am different to put it simply.
Because of who I am now I look to the future. Looking into the future I have desires and I have dreams. But I am very easily discouraged with complacency. I dream in a radical world but I live in a complacent one. How am I ever going to make these dreams reality if I only keep them as dreams? Like I said, I easily get discouraged.
BUT
when I look at the transformation that God did in my life from my past to my present I have hope.
God opened doors. He taught me. He lead me. He used me. He embraced my hand and said "I will walk with you wherever you go. Even if you fall down I will pick you up. You will do things that make my heart sad, but I will never leave you or give up on you."
And now I have to stop for a moment in silence and listen so I can hear...
"Ashley, my dear child. What I said then I say now. Yes, you will fail and you will get discouraged. But My will is not done in your power, it is done in Mine. Your failures cannot stop my will from being done. Stop looking at your weaknesses and start looking to Me. If it is my dream then it will be done. Stop thinking it can't be done because I will do it no matter what. If you get too distracted then I will have to use someone else. Don't miss out on My glory. I want you to be a part of this."
I may not be able to see the future. I may not even know what my tomorrow has in store. But as long as I am looking to my Jesus and choosing Him in all my little choices, then I will once again be able to look back and see how God moved and transformed my situation.
