here i sit

here i sit.

that sums me up lately.

i have been sitting.

and while i sit, i dream.

but these dreams don't set me free.

these dreams frustrate me.

i dream of something bigger than what's in front of my face.

Jesus can open up my mind and give me dreams of beauty.

so how can it be that they bring me frustration?

it's not actually the dreams that do it.

it's me

i stand in between my reality and the dreams.

because i sit and dream.

i don't go and dream.

i sit.

i know why this is too.

i haven't been putting Jesus as priotiy.

i haven't been pursuing Him the way He desires, the way my heart desires.

i've been so thirsty for the Lord, but i haven't taken a drink.

when i came to my computer i turned on my music and this song came on,

the words are simple and few but it caught my attention with just the first line.

there is only 1 verse and a chorus.

i think the first verse speaks directly to me in this moment.

 wake up my soul, don't forget the day

wake up my heart, don't sleep all night

wake up my mind, remember His love

wake up my voice, and sing His song

it was as if Jesus was crying out for His own.

when I gave my life to Jesus...

my soul became His,

my heart became His,

my mind became His,

my voice became His,

but i have been letting them sleep.

the chorus of the song is something that i have experienced before and that i desire now

You sweep me away to bone-crushing waters

Bury me deep in the arms of the Father

You swallow me whole in the deepest of deeps

I'm alone with You, I'm alone with You

--------------------------------------

it is so easy to get caught up in the norm of the world around you.

but the norm of the world is empty.

i don't want an empty life.

i want a life that is devoted to Jesus

overflowing with His love

bringing His joy with laughter and life

man do i need to step it up.

I am sorry Jesus.

I have been living life on my own so of course it cannot be good, or right, or fulfilling...

afterall, i am not the author of life. i can't write my own story.

i want to walk the path that You have laid for me and explore the never-ending adventure of a life walking with You.

Orphan's Song

I should be writing a paper. I have so much to do, but my heart got distracted. Not just my mind or my energies, my heart.

I have this CD which I love. It is full of authentic, true worship songs from the heart. As I was in my car driving to go study this song came on.

Orphan's Song:

We are the orphan boys, we are the forgotten girls

We are lost and far from home

We are the fatherless born of dust and nothingness

We are lost and far from home

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

I've heard about a foreign land, about a son and his great big dad

I'm making my plans to be there

They say it's a beautiful place full of big wide open spaces

I'm making my plans to be there

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

These roads have familiar names, this town has not changed

I'm finding my way back home

You call me daughter, You call me son, You call me back into Your arms

I'm finding my way back home

There is no love like Yours in all the earth

There is no live like Yours in the universe

There is no love that heals my broken heart

There is no love like Yours at all

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Every time that I listen to this song my heart melts.

I have heard stories of oprhans, seen movies.

I have met orphans, held them.

I have played with orphans, tickled them.

I have laughed with orphans, until it hurt.

When I am away from these times and I hear this song, my heart melts.

I try to imagine being in their shoes.

I can't.

And I have heard people say that there is no point in going for only a short time and playing with orphans.

They are wrong. This song tells why.

If we carry the name of Christ to those orphans then it doesn't matter how long we are there.

If we can clothe them in that moment with only Christ then it's the best garment they will ever wear.

His love is sufficient.

His love gives them a home.

His loves adopts them.

His love feeds them.

His love allows them to laugh.

His love gives them breath.

His love is like no other in this world.

When the enemy tries to bring me down with thoughts...

you can't adopt them all,

you can't feed them all,

you can't save them all,

I have to remember, believe, trust, and live into the truth that

CHRIST CAN!

to live is to love

to live is to love

you cannot live without loving

your actions are motivated by love

no matter who you are

no matter what you believe

your actions are motivated by love

you can use your words to convey a belief

but

your heart will always speak the truth

you can act to please those around you

but

eventually your heart will act to please your beliefs

your actions are motivated by love

but

we do not always love what is good

love of self

love of seeing others in pain

love of bringing others down

love of reputation

we always say love is good

but

only the love of God is good

no matter who you are

no matter what you believe

your actions ARE motivated by love

your heart can only act for so long

look at your heart

what does it love?

we are called to love our Lord,  our God with all that we are

with our heart, all of it

with our soul, every ounce

with our strength, every action

through our love we will obey

love drives our obidience

what we love we will obey

so do not obey God to get in His good graces

do no obey because "it's what good Christians do"

action cannot shape heart

heart must shape action

so love the good things

because what you love

you devote yourself to

you cannot truly devote yourself to God

until you have found yourself deeply

IN LOVE

with Love itself

God is love.

freely breathe

I want to breathe.

I want to be able to breathe unhindered.

with ease.

without my mind going crazy.

I want to take a step back and breathe.

not be busy all the time.

instead of go go go go!

S T O P

sit. relax. breathe.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

DEEPLY

so how do i do that?

some changes need to be made.

I don't recognize this place

I don't recognize what's around me. It's the situation more so than the actual surroundings. I'm not in a foreign new place. I'm not even out of my comfort zone, or am I?

I mean I am at the same school I've been going to since the second half of my freshman year. I have incredible friends around me. My classes are leading me towards Jesus and making Him known. So my surroundings don't put me out of my comfort zone. There isn't anything to push me out of my comfort zone. As much as I thought my classes would be hard, I find myself able to perform at the level asked. However, there is something different. I am beginning the end of my school journey. I'm not graduating in the spring, I won't be done until next fall. But the reality is that it is approaching. It seems short, it seems long. Alot can happen in 1 year. I could go places, meet people, be challenged, have a change of heart or mind. Alot can happen in 1 year.

I was challenged by my new friend Sarah today. I am finding out that I very much enjoy who she is and her heart in life, but I am also finding that she has ways of making me think that blow me away. I love it. It's hard. She doesn't let me just chat and share my mind without really looking into my life and my words. I thank her for that. This challenge she gave me has to do with this next part of my life. I have different opportunities for the next semester and summer placed in front of me. As some doors have been closed other doors have been built and some are starting to open. Which ones do I look into and which one will I actually walk through? Well Sarah gave me something to think about...

Start with the end in mind.

When I meet back up with Sarah in July what will I want to tell her. What do I want to have under my belt? Accomplishments, trials, new knowledge....what is it that I want to walk away from the next 8 months with? So I got to thinking, and this is just the beginning. This is my first step to looking into that question. I need to crack open the surface and see what is inside. So he we get to cracking....

• I want to be challenged. I want to be put in situation that will be hard in order to take away my mindsets that are not truth. A throwing into the fire in a way.
• I have a heart for discipleship I have to come to find so I want to walk away saying that I was able to give my time to 3 or more girls. Digging into what it means to be a woman of Christ. Working through the struggles, frustrations, and joys.
• I want hands on practical experience within different areas of ministry. I don't want to be in charge. I want to learn, learn from those who are doing it, living it, and passionate about it.

why?

my eyes have been opened to some things about myself.

I get scared.

I get bored.

I get overwhelmed.

I get confused.

But I also get passionate.

I have joy.

I have a heart that is always learning.

I love what I am learning in school but all I do is talk. I talk about stuff and how I would handle it. What would I say? How would I act? Blah blah blah. but what about the real world?! Am I going to graduate with all these classes under my belt but be thrown in the ocean without a life jacket? What if I can't swim. What if I am a theory person? What if I can teach it but not live it? What if I get opportunities because of what my professors say or what my degree says but I can't actually do it?

I can't just learn in the classroom. But I am not ready to go out there on my own. I want to learn, but it has to be more than books. So I want to walk away from the next 8 months with practice under my belt. I don't want to grow weary of school and grow bitter towards it, but I don't want to rush through it. This is a precious time of life.

I know this is alot of rambling but it is what my mind is trying to process during a time where the future is blinded from my eyes.



Please give me your wisdom. Your perspective. Your encouragement. Jesus, I wouldn't want it without You so guide me all the way. Take the blinders off to my own heart, that I may see inside and live with You.

_________________________________________

To those of you reading:

Do you have any wisdom? Any comments that will encourage? Maybe your perspective will shine some light. I would love to have some feedback. I need the other parts of the body to push me and help me.

bet-IN-ween

Oh I love it!!! but man do I sure dislike it many times.

S C H O O L 

what an opportunity right? Yes! I will never disagree with that. 

However, I am at a point of being in between. 

I say that I know where I want to go in life. I want to be a part of full-time ministry. I want to travel the world, engaging in cultures, experiencing what it means to have faith in every different situation. I want to teach people, see them grow in Christ, watch them reflect Christ! I want to give my time to people, hear their stories, share in their experiences, give them a shoulder when needed, and let them hold me too. 

For all of this I wanted to be prepared. I knew that I had a heart but since I had the opportunity, I could better equip myself. 

Study

Practice

Challenge

Dream

That's why I went to school. I started out at the University of Oklahoma because, well I knew it would be better in my Dad's eyes to get an education. Within two weeks I knew that I wasn't going to continue my education there. There was no passion. I came to the point of thinking, "If I am going to go to school then it has to be for something that I am passionate about. I am in love with Jesus and I want to share that love, share the truth, teach His Word, and disciple people. I didn't grow up with the Word or teaching on how to do something like that...I'll go to school to learn Jesus!" 

So I went. I am here. At a Bible college taking classes about Jesus, His Word, how to make disciples, different cultures, etc. And I love it. I can't give my time to something just to get an education. I have to be intrigued, I have to be passionate about it, and it has to be practical for me. Jesus has changed my life so learning how to better teach and share about Jesus is practical. I WILL talk about Jesus, I will be motivated by Jesus, and I will not deny Jesus. Studying Jesus has been the best decision of my life. 

But now I am stuck. The more I learn and study, the more I want to go! I want to be out there! I want to give my time to people and not myself. I get frustrated with having to say no to people so I can go study. I get caught up in the tediousness of homework. I get stressed. I grow weary. I know school is preparing me. I know I will not regret it. I know that this has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, but right now it isn't pretty. It isn't always fun. I get stuck in ruts. 

And at the same time, as much as I want to be out of school. It scares me! I talk and I dream everyday about once I am out of school. The reality is that I am getting closer to that day. And what am I going to do? Am I prepared? Can I do it? Am I going to be that person that dreams and inspires while in school and ends up doing nothing when I have the chance? 

I am in between loving school, disliking it, and being scared to leave it. Sometimes I want to run away. Sometimes I want to hide in it. Why the emotions? Why the fears? Jesus is my shepherd so I shouldn't be in a place of discontentment right? So I am learning. I am learning about Jesus. I am learning about myself. I am learning that it isn't always pretty. I am learning that I am growing up. I am learning that I have fears and dreams all wrapped up in one. I am learning that sometimes I need to take a step back. I need to breathe. I need to rest. 

___________________________________________________________________

Jesus, the reason for my being, thank you. Thank you for everything. Whether it be a season of bright, colorful life or a season that is cold and challenging I want to praise your name. I cannot do it without you. Please give me the guidance, the discernment, the passion, the heart, the motive, the strength, and the love to get through this season. Please open my eyes to what is around me. To you be the glory in times of giving and times of taking. Help me to focus on you and not the distractions around me. Hold me when I cry and laugh with me in my joy. I desire your heart. Help me focus on that, your will, your pains, your desires, your love. Throw me in the fire and burn away the impurities that put dirt on your reflection. Burn away my laziness, my doubt, my stress, and all those things I am blinded to that take your glory away. Jesus you are beautiful. You are the only thing worth living for so please help me to live for you and you alone. This is my prayer to you Lord because you are the only the Healer and Lover of my soul. Praise you always in everything. 

Amen

Battle

we are told of battles,

battles of the past

we are warned about battles,

battles to come

we are living in battles,

battles of the here and now

HERE and NOW

my battle

can I even call it my battle?

ultimately it is His battle

the grand picture

the battle for those who claim Christ

it is 

HIS

and He has won, the enemy has been defeated.

we know the story, we know the end.

but we aren't to the end yet. 

so...

I still have battles of my own

the battles within the battle

the most recent battle that I have been experiencing has been one that has taken a toll on my heart. I have been experiencing brokenness for others in  a way that I never have before. I am not talking about that kind of brokenness that gives you concern for others. the brokenness that causes you to take on a burden. this burden is heavy. heavy in tears, heavy in prayer. this is where my battle comes in. 

I know that I am to have a heart for others which brings me to a place of thankfulness in my brokenness, but it has brought me to a place of guilt. I have had moments of feeling guilty for the fact that I have Jesus working in my life. In worship I get to praise His name and shout thanks with joy. I get to sit in His presence and have peace. I get to come before the Father with my burdens, issues, concerns, desires, joys, and anything I am experiencing. And while I get to do that....there are people all around me who can't. It's not that they aren't allowed. They simply don't know Jesus. 

Why do I get that privilege? You see my battle? I have been battling with having the joy in worship because of my burden. And I know this shouldn't be. It shouldn't bring me to a place where I cannot have joy in my Savior. So where is the balance? How do I joyfully praise and worship Jesus while being broken for others? I know Jesus is the answer for them. I know He can heal their pain, emptiness, fear, loneliness, shame, hurt, and any other issue. This brings me joy. To know that there is a God who loves and saves.

but it has become hard for me to worship without crying out for the others. I have cried many tears. Fallen to my knees because I knew no where else to go but the feet of Jesus. While I may not know the reason for my burden, for the brokenness. While I may not know how to handle it. While I may be weak in my own strength. While I may have nothing to give, offer, or even say.

Jesus is Lord. I can rejoice in the fact that He has healed me from my state of walking in darkness. I have traded my burdens placed on me by the world for those burdens that ooze out of the Father's heart. It may be heavy and draining but the burden of brokenness is holy. I know there is goodness to come from this season in my life.
I am learning.
I am crying.
I am praying.
I am making sure that I turn to Christ and Christ alone.
The burden is from Him. He is the solution.

the battle, the confusion....
the enemy is trying to creep in. the closer I come to the heart of Jesus the more frightened the enemy becomes. When my heart aches with the pains Jesus experiences in the heavens, the enemy tries to make me question it. And yes, I have questions but none that can take me away from the only truth I know: Jesus. I would rather be experiencing this battle than being on the side of the enemy without knowing it.

So Jesus, thank you. Thank you for letting me get a better glimpse at your heart. Thank you for breaking away the pieces of my selfishness and opening my eyes to the pain of others. Thank you for being my solid foundation that will never fail. Thank you for strength when I have none. Jesus take these burdens and turn them into victories! 

Forever Reign

This morning in church we sang this song. 

it spoke loudly to me.

it became the cry of my heart.

because I can't do it all.

because I don't always have the answers.

because I get tired. 

because I am weak.

I need a Savior

a

R E F U G E

this is what I can sing:

You are good, You are good

When there's nothing good in me

You are love, You are love

On display for all to see

You are light, You are light

When the darkness closes in

You are hope, You are hope

You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace

When my fear is crippling

You are true, You are true

Even in my wandering

You are joy, You are joy

You're the reason that I sing

You are life, You are life,

In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,

I'm running to arms

The riches of your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more

Than my words will ever say

You are Lord, You are Lord

All creation will proclaim

You are here, You are here

In your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I'm running to your arms

I'm running to arms

The riches of your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing

no other name

Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I'm running to your arms

I'm running to arms

The riches of your love

Will always be enough

Nothing compares to Your embrace

Light of the world forever reign

Broken...

emotions of all kinds happening.

my mind is chaos at the moment.

the only thing that is still.

the one thing that isn't shaken by the things of this world.

the one thing that I can turn to in any situation.

in confusion.

witnessing pain.

experiencing brokenness for another.

Jesus is always there. 

He can't be moved from His throne.

His love is undoubtedly there.

Thank You Jesus for never freaking out when I do.

Thank You Jesus for having open arms when I need a refuge.

Thank You Jesus for understanding when I can't.

Thank You Jesus for giving me Your Hope.

Without Jesus I would be...

hurt

lost

suffering

mad

stressed

Without Jesus I would feel

unworthy

unloved

undesired

unimportant 

empty

lonely

These are things that I see too often in this world. 

Right now I am broken for those who do not accept Christ.

For those who let the world tell them who they are.

For those who hurt themselves so they can just feel something.

For those who are beautiful and yet can't see it themselves.

For those who cannot hope.

For those who see no point.

Jesus, without you I would have nothing. I would be so lost. I would turn to empty things for hope. Jesus thank you for capturing my heart. Thank you for desiring my soul. Thank you for being Lord over all. I pray for those who do not know you. I ask for that you open their eyes to the reality that You hold. Jesus shake them inside! Shake them so that all the chains of the enemy break and fall! Jesus scream so loud that they cannot ignore You. Jesus, show them how worthy they are. Show them what they mean to you. Pick them up and hold them tight. Let them feel your love so strong. Rain down Your Spirit. Rain down and clean them of the dirt that they have been living in. Cleanse them of the lies, the brokenness, the false hope, the emptiness. Flood them in Your love. Let them be overwhelmed by You, Lord. Jesus claim your children! Satan stand back because my Savior is mighty to save!! Jesus be lifted high and be made known! All these emotions, all these desires, all these requests I lay at Your feet,Lord. You have the power and authority and I trust in You. 

Amen

tears of realization

Sunday at church we took communion. 

it wasn't done in the normal fashion of our church.

instead we were given the elements and time.

time to reflect,

time to think.

so...

i reflected,

i thought,

alot.

in the past when i have participated in communion it has been different. i have not fully understood it. i have cried. i have been filled with joy. i have just gone through the motions. each time has been its own experience. 

Sunday was a new experience. 

as i sat with the bread and juice in my hands, head down, leaning on my knees i just thought. 

i began to pray. and Jesus opened my eyes a bit wider to the picture. 

in the past i was always focused on what Jesus did. 

i tried to comprehend it all.

take it in.

accept it.

realize that i am not worthy yet i am able to receive the gift offered.

Sunday was more about what if...

what if Jesus didn't do what He did.

didn't come to the earth.

didn't make disciples.

didn't resist temptation.

didn't come to seek and save the lost.

wasn't beaten.

wasn't nailed to a cross.

wasn't ridiculed.

wasn't seen as a fool.

didn't die.

didn't raise from death.

didn't ascend into heaven and sit at the right hand of God.

if He didn't...

i wouldn't even be able to imagine the life i now live.

i couldn't even begin to see hope.

not just be hopeless,

i wouldn't be able to imagine hope.

i would be living a life of emptiness.

chasing.

chasing.

chasing.

c h a s i n g 

never catching that thing that satisfies. 

i mean, i've wondered what life would be like if i never humbled my life before Jesus. 

but i haven't thought too much about Him not doing what He did.

there would be no chance. 

the gap between us and God would be just as wide and impossible to cross as it was from the Fall of Adam and Eve. 

n o  h o p e

n o  l i f e 

n o  l o v e 

so Praise the Lord! 

because Jesus DID.

come to the earth.

did make disciples.

did resist temptation.

did come to seek and save the lost.

was beaten.

was nailed to a cross.

was ridiculed.

was seen as a fool.

did die.

did raise from death.

did ascend into heaven and sit at the right hand of God.

and now we are able to take communion.

we get to take "His body and His blood".

it is tangible.

He is tangible.

hope, life, love

is

t a n g i b l e

it came in the form of Jesus.

tears, awe, joy, worship. 

the response of my heart. 

___________________________________________________

whether you 

acknowledged the Lord today or not. 

felt guilty.

were joyful.

sad.

fought with someone.

fell into an old habit.

lived fully for Jesus today.

no matter what you did or where you are at in this moment...

praise Jesus. experience His gift. live into Him. grasp the tangible gifts that He has so humbly given. 

worship the Lord of lords and the King of kings. 

_______________________________________________________

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for making me a child of God. Without you I would be walking in darkness. I would be lost and wanting. I wouldn't even know I was missing you. So I praise your name. I give you thanks. I desire to give all that I have to You and your glory. Thank you for letting me imagine a life without out You rather than being on the other side of the spectrum. You are Holy. You are good. You are God. Thank you for love. Thank you for allowing me to know the truth of hope, of life, of love, and your face. Jesus you are incredible. 

faith to death

Set the scene:

King Nebuchadnezzar has built a statue of gold that stands 90 feet tall.

This is to represent his god.

He makes a decree that all those in his kingdom must bow before and worship this statue when they hear the music played.

Because King Nebuchadnezzar is the most powerful king at this time no one refuses.

It doesn't hurt that he threatened those who refused to be thrown into a blazing furnace.

With that, no one refuses.

So he thinks...

99% of the kingdom followed this decree.

the 1% was brought before the king.

the king in all his power and might stood confidently and was willing to give these rebels another chance.

if they fell down before the idol at the next hearing of the music then all things would be fine and well.

if not, it was to the blazing furnace.

these rebels: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

outweighing the confidence of the king they stood before him and replied to his offer:

"O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

now this would be a bold statement coming from anyone but there is a major factor in play here:
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are exiles.
so they are not speaking boldly to just any king.
these men are not the King's people so disposing of them is not a matter at all.

these three men basically looked at the king and said without saying
"You know what king, we appreciate all the great things you've done for us and all but the way of life we had back at home...well, we prefer it. We aren't going to follow your rules to worship a different god than ours even though you have the authority to kill us. So go ahead, throw us in the fire and see what happens."

Faith.
that's what I hear when I read this story.
they were not consumed with the threat.
rather, their consumption was God.


they saw that it was more important to stand for the One True God rather than fear death.
think about it, all they needed to do was bow down to a statue to live.
music plays, bow down, continue on with life.
OR
refuse to bow before a false god and be thrown into a blazing furnace.

--------------------
as the story goes,
they were thrown in the furnace but God saved them. Because of their faith the King praised their God.
I encourage you to read the story in Daniel. read chapter 1-3 to get the big picture.
--------------------

Set the Scene:


TODAY


we went over this story in class the other day and it had my mind turning.
do we have this same faith today?
chances of us even being threatened with a blazing furnace are pretty low.
but we all know that there are many things that can bring out or hide our faith today.

here's what I was really thinking about the most:
how is it that a blazing furnace didn't stop those men from standing with faith in the One True God
and today we let so many simple things put our faith into hiding.

people don't even have to threaten us. they don't even have to make fun.
to be honest we don't usually get to the point of being threatened because we don't stand up against anything.

"but Ashley there aren't things like in that story to stand up against"
wrong.
 don't overlook the work of the enemy.
conversations.
movies.
music.
relationships.
actions.
anything and everything that affect our ethics and morals.

here is how we have to look at it:
in any situation we have the opportunity to either reflect God or reflect the world.
and yes it takes faith.
because when we reflect God we are going to stand out.
but isn't it worth it?

I don't know about you but I would much rather stand out in this world as different instead of just being another Christian that cares more about my reputation than the Lord of Lord's glory.

Radical
those 3 men were radical.
it was obvious.
we don't have to be faced with death to be radical.

tell me it wouldn't be radical to live a life that stood for Jesus no matter what.
in small things.
in big things.
in all things Jesus.


it could be a small conversation to you but it could be a huge seed of God for the other person.
it could just become your lifestyle.

but the question does remain:
would you stand in faith even to the point of death?
could you look the enemy in the eyes and tell them that it doesn't matter what they do because your God is Lord of all and He will be glorified in this place?

"we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter"

can you say that?

"we want you to know"

will you tell them who God is?

so the challenge is to face the furnace,
whether you are saved from the fire or not.
stand for God in all matters.
everywhere you go.


I want to live by this: 
to live a radical life doesn't mean you do one great thing for God that everyone hears about. rather, it means everything you do adds up to a radical difference between you and the world. everything adds up to a God sized difference of faith.

a glimpse of reality

I stumbled across this in The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne:

"I remember hearing about an old comic strip back in the days of St. Ed's. Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says.'Well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters.'I'm scared God will ask me the same question.' Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me,'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."

punch to the gut.

imagine this:

you have the chance to walk up to God. your heart and mind seem to be in the right place. you have only the best intentions in life. you are simply worried about others and you want things to be just and right in the world. so you go to the source. with a childlike heart you walk up to God with much confusion. you look Him straight in the eyes and say,"God I just don't get it. Why do these things happen? People are getting sick, robbed, murdered, persecuted, mocked, raped, going hungry, being abandoned. You're a good and just God. Why do you let this happen?" Then God does His wise thing and answers you with a question. "You accepted my son Jesus Christ, right? OK. You claim to be His hands and feet, right? OK. So you tell me why these things are happening. Why do YOU let it happen?"

the weight of the world
dropped on your lap

so often i find people asking "why God, why God" and yet they sit around and do nothing. people ask how a good God can allow horrible things to happen in this world, but every time they ask, they forget to take a look at themselves and the rest of the world.

when Jesus was here God was physically here.
when Jesus left we were given the Holy Spirit in place of Him.
so we are here physically with the Holy Spirit living in us.
we are His hands.
we are His feet.
the reality is that once Jesus left, is hands and feet actually multiplied.

we were not left without.
the resources, the talents, the authority.
it has all been given. it is in our hands. it is in our grasp. it is part of us.
it is the Body of Christ.

God has every reason to look at us and ask why?
Jesus told His disciples that once He left they would do what He has been doing, but not just that
greater things than these

SO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
we ask
why

why

why

and while we sit and ask

people are dying due to our laziness
not a lack of God's goodness.

instead of asking why, let's start saying why not

why not  feed the hungry
why not clothe the naked
why not love the abandoned
why not tend to the sick and hurting

why not live into the divine calling that God has placed on us

it's not just a calling.
it is an amazing opportunity to let the One True God work through us!
He is letting us be a part of something Holy!

i am challenged probably more than any of you reading this so please don't think that i am trying to call you out. i simply want to wake up the Body and ask everyone to do their part. use what God has given you
gifts
talents
resources
friends
anything and everything

because
even though we might not be able to change every physical thing for someone.
and it might seem like they are still in a rough situation.
and it may be hell on earth for them.
if they accept the gift of Life from Jesus then they are headed to a better place.
but if we don't

not only will they have hell on earth
they will eternally be separated from their Father God.

we need to stop asking why and start taking up our responsibility.
after all
GOD CAN DO ANYTHING
even use small, weak humans to establish an eternal kingdom.

I justed needed a click.

I fell into the ever so common place where I know many Christians  have fallen.

It's not so much a place as it is a mindset.

A mindset that is heavily shaped by culture.

Christian culture to be exact.

Not necessarily the Bible, but rather that Christian culture that we allow ourselves to follow.

That we allow ourselves to be shaped by.

Shaped without turning to scripture to either back it up, clarify it, or shine light on the falsity.

We get stuck with these beliefs or ideas that we think are right because it's what we are always told or taught but something about it doesn't always click. For some reason we profess it but we can't fully back it up. Not with scripture. Not with our own experiences. Maybe you know what I am talking about. Maybe you don't.

Well this mindset issue I had. The one that I didn't really know I was in until it clicked one day.

GOD'S WILL

The mindset I was in was holding me back. I was taught time after time to wait on God's Will. To not push my own agenda. To simply sit back and pray about it. Wait until I hear God's voice. Wait until I hear the exact details to my next step.

Because of this mindset I had, I kept myself back from too many opportunities. Now I am not saying don't wait on God. Please don't get me wrong. But I am saying that something clicked one day and I realized that alot of times God has opened the doors, given us the tools, and prepared us for the opportunity but because we haven't heard the "go get 'em!" we sit and wait.

We are called to action!

This book I recently read helped me with my click.

(this is a long quote but it needs to be in here)

the naked GOSPEL

"Having gone through such a stressful decision-making process, I was determined to find out the truth about the will of God. As I consulted Scripture, I discovered that the will of God boils down to the following:

• that none perish but all believe (1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:9)
• that salvation come to the Jews and Gentiles (Ephesians 1:5-2:22)
• that we present our bodies to him every day (Romans 12:1-2)
• that we bear much fruit (John 15:8; Colossians 1:9-12)
• that we pray throughout our lives (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

God's will is essentially that Christ live in us and express himself through us as we are transparent before him.

The scriptural view of God's will turned out to be dramatically different from what I had heard. This put an end to my perpetual wondering about whether or not I was "in God's will" with regard to daily decision making.

In discovering that God's will is Christ in me and Christ through me, I could see that God was behind every door, even the door of sin. I'm not saying that sinning is OK or that God wants us to sin. Of course not! What I mean is that whether or not I choose a particular door in life, God will always be there. He will be there because he's in me. He's not just with me, but he's in me. So wherever I go, there he is!"

-Andrew Farley, the naked GOSPEL (pages 210-211)

God allowed me to read this at the exact time that I needed it, my last plane ride home from Haiti. It gave me reassurance in my pursuit of returning to Haiti next year. That's a whole nother blog with a new set of thoughts though. Knowing what I now know, I am pursuing life with a new mindset.

Thank you Jesus.